Sweat equity?

In keeping with my gym going yesterday, after I lovingly devoured the inauguration coverage this morning I went to the gym. I told myself I was going to get in 3 miles on the treadmill, with no stringency as to whether they were walked or ran. I made it to 1.75 and then someone got on the treadmill next to me. And then he started sweating. And then said sweat was flying all over the place. I could see little beads of nastiness all over the bottom of my machine.

And then some got on my face. And then I threw up in my mouth. And then I ran home and took the hottest shower of my life.

eeeew.

Yoga Soup

I went to yoga today. Going to this particular class is kind of like going to Spain. You took all those years of Spanish and yet you have no idea what a single person in the whole country is saying. I have been practicing yoga on and off for 10 years and when I go to Willow-with-the-ridiculously-amazing-body's class I feel like I can hardly even get into downward dog.

But I do it and it feels good. I try not to stare at my stomach in the mirror. I swear they tell you to close your eyes so you don't obsess about yourself. I did pretty good today. And I ran my first mile since I hurt my ankle back in June. At the end of the class they throw this magic dust around that makes you able to pass out on a cold floor after your class. I have chronic insomnia but I can always zen out after a yoga class. Queer.

When I was at the height of my relaxation I awoke to the loudspeaker. "The kids club is now closed. Please come pick up your children." Oops.

I walked in pissy and I left happy. I ate soup. Today is alright.

The Storm Before the Calm

Another one of my friends has cancer. It pisses me off that at 34 I am watching my third friend under 40 go through this. This newest trooper is just lovely, too. She has a daughter in my daughter's class. She does yoga and drinks tea. She's nice and pretty and kind and deserves something else. Cancer is one of those bastard things that messes with your feelings of comfort in the world. It's easy to say "everything happens for a reason" with the mild crappy things that happen, like losing a job or a boyfriend. It's hard to see the future now, but something better will come along that will make this all make sense.

Nothing makes cancer make sense.

In Judaism you are relieved of your religious obligations during the period of mourning between death and burial. It's almost like God realizes he's kind of screwed you over, so you are given an opt-out so you don't desert your belief systems all together. It's called Aninut-the storm before the calm. The storm is all the anger and sadness, and the calm is acceptance of a greater good. I don't look for calm, really, just a way to understand why these things happen. Because really, there's no reason. There's no justice in cancer or in Huntington's disease or car accidents or losing your parents or your children. It just plain old sucks.

Two years ago a different friend with a daughter in my daughter's class had a double mastectomy and bunches of chemo after a breast cancer diagnosis. I saw her last week with a full head of hair and lipstick and fancy earrings. I hope two years from now I see new friend with a full head of hair and a smile but probably not big earrings and red lipstick. It's just not her way.

Birth, Life, Love, Breastmilk...

I know, I know, that title does not have a ring to it. Cut me some slack, I am recovering from pneumonia.

I had to come up with something to say as I find myself in a new profession. It's hard to admit to hanging up the doula hat. Even if I never take another client or go to another birth (which is unlikely) being a doula is not just what I did. It's who I am. Which is so strange to say, really, as I always considered myself someone who would float from thing to thing forever. But after five years of tending to moms and babies, I can honestly say that the profession has intermingled with the personal. I mean really, no one does doula work for the money or the glory. It's just not that kind of job.
All the months of ignoring this blog were because I was uber focused on finding a new job, and I had no idea what it was to be. I leave my old life not for lack of love for it, but for money, honestly, and professional advancement. If I want to take over the world I have to get going! I am almost 34! In any case, I accepted a great position at a local hospital doing lactation support on the mother-baby unit. I will have the opportunity to help lots and lots of families and hopefully, after a year, will have enough hours to sit for the IBCLC exam. Pretty exciting stuff.

Note to self: do not trust "feelings"

I though it was going to be good. I really did. When I got in the car Bob Dylan and Coldplay came on the radio back to back, and I thought, gee, this is a good sign. I was feeling happy.

When we got to the hospital, mom, a young primip was already at 8! We were all elated, and I was thinking how great this was for her, that that was what the universe had in mind for her.

2 hours later she had an anterior lip. 6 hours after that she had an anterior lip. A little pit, an awesome midwife (or 2) and 4 more hours of pushing later, she had a baby girl. No epidural, lots of joy. A happy family.

Then the doc, as he was stitching up her tears, says, what's that going on with your uterus? She ended up having a uterine inversion, which for those of you that are lucky enough not to know, is a rare emergency where after delivery your uterus ends up inside out trying to come out of your vagina. It is very serious. I would love feedback from any of my midwife and doula readers who have any experience with this. So mom is rushed to the or, lost lots of blood, will be in the ICU for three days unable to see baby, nurse, bond. It's all just very maddening and sad.

This is exactly why I went to work for BOLD. The little picture of birth is just too emotionally draining.

Off to Bend to see the BOLD performance. Let me know if you'll be there too.

A new season for all

Well, tomorrow is the first day of kindergarten for the big one, and the first day of preschool for the small one. I myself am off to a birth, the first after the summer off. Looks like it's time for change for us all.

This birth feels like it's going to be good.

If you give a woman an epidural...

A doula from Minnesota wrote this hilarious spoof on "If you give a mouse a cookie." I love it!

If you give a Woman an Epidural...


If you give a woman an epidural, she'll need a big bag of lactated ringers to go with it, the lactated ringers will keep her blood pressure from plummeting when she gets her epidural, but it will also swell her tissue with excess fluid so her legs and breasts will swell and she'll be shedding water weight for days if not weeks. The fluid in her breasts will make it hard for the baby to latch on at first, so the nurses will think the baby's not able to nurse and they'll recommend some formula, just until the nursing goes better, this will probably make mom feel insecure and crappy about her mothering skills and it could interfere with bonding.

After the epidural's in, she'll probably need a catheter because she won't be moving around much anymore, and hey! she can't feel anything below her belly button anyway! If she gets the catheter, she might get a urinary tract infection to go with it.

Once she gets the epidural and the catheter, even with the extra fluid, her blood pressure might drop anyway in response to the medication she's getting, she might get some epinephrine which has the following common side effects:

Anxiety; difficulty sleeping; dizziness; fearfulness; headache; nausea; nervousness; paleness; sweating; tremors; vomiting; weakness.

If she's unlucky she might even experience these side effects:

Severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue); fast heartbeat; irregular heartbeat; wheezing.

If she gets the fluid, the epidural, the catheter, and the epinephrine, the baby might not respond very well, so the doctor will want to know what the baby's heart rate looks like all the time, and the doctor will also want to see whether mom's contractions are strong enough to dilate her cervix, so an electronic fetal scalp electrode will be screwed into the baby's head, and another special catheter, one that measures the strength of the contractions, will be pushed up inside mom's uterus. Of course, to do this, the bag of waters would have to be broken, so that the catheter can go in. Once the bag of waters is broken, the doctor will be paying close attention to the time, because doctors don't like women to walk around with a ruptured amniotic sack for much longer than a day, even if the mom and baby need longer to birth.

When she gets her fetal scalp electrode and the intrauterine pressure catheter is in place, the contractions might not look very strong on paper, so the nurse or doctor will do some cervical exams, to see how things are going. Lots of people, from the nurse, to the doctor, to the resident, to the medical student might put their fingers up inside of mom's vagina, so they can get a better idea of what's going on. But it's no big deal how many people put their hands up there, because remember, mom can't feel it! If they put their fingers up there over and over again, mom might get sick. She might get a fever, she might even get a fever in response to the epidural! But the doctors won't know exactly what's causing it, so they'll just give her a full spectrum anti-biotic to cover everything.

And if they give her a bunch of anti-biotics over the course of labor, she might get a yeast infection to go with it! If she gets a yeast infection she might give the infection to her baby too, then the baby would have thrush, which could cause more breastfeeding problems.

Once she's got the fluid, epidural, iupc, fse, the catheter, the cervical exams, and the anti-biotics, her contractions might poop out altogether, so she'll get some pitocin. The pitocin will blast her body into labor, making her contract harder and harder, faster and faster, but it won't cross the blood-brain barrier like natural oxytocin does, which is what triggers our bodies to create nature's pain killers: endorphins, so the contractions will be excruciating and very difficult to work with.

And if the contractions are very difficult to work with....

chances are.....


She'll want an epidural!