What a long, strange trip it's been

The last three weeks have been a total blur. Between dealing with a friends horrific loss and my own family being sick for 3 weeks, I feel like I have lost many days of my own life. Oh, and yeah, I was away visiting family for 5 days, too.

Part of this trip involved meeting up with all of my siblings and driving to middle-of-nowhere-but-up-a-scary-mountain, California to see my dad's place and meet his girlfriend.



She was very nice, fine, whatever. Then I found out she had a home birth and all of a sudden I started to like her a little more:) Though interestingly enough, that birth was her fifth and she said if given the chance (not likely, as she is 60) she wouldn't do it again. She didn't want the drugs, just the safety she felt the hospital assured her. It made me think about what I feel the most strongly about is not how any one woman in particular births, but that it is her right to have access to whatever type of care she desires. I wish the feminist movement would take birth on as a choice issue. If we deserve the right to choose to have a baby, shouldn't we also have the right to have it on our own terms?

While we were in the aforementioned small town, my dad wanted to take us to see the zoo that his "spiritual community" owns. Lots of animals that I am not sure belong in a zoo, like emus and 2 manecoon cats with their own personal shrine to their leader, which I do not understand personally as I think my cat is the least conscious being in my house, but that is neither here nor there. After we visited the "regular" zoo, we were to go see the "camel" zoo. Apparently there is some concern that the camels would be either killed or stolen, so they keep them at this hidden space way the fuck up this already isolated mountain. This drive in my rented Hyundai Elantra caused me a severe panic attack. As we were leaving I realized I could not operate the vehicle without a valium, so I gave the keys to my sister. Then she drove the car into a ditch. Over a big rock. Then we had to be towed. Lots of fun. Luckily the folks at enterprise didn't care about their cars because their inspection showed no scratches.

The small highlight of the zoo experience was that two of the camels, mother and daughter, were pregnant. The mother was due to give birth any day. The camel guy told me they birth standing up and the baby drops onto the ground. Ouch! I was tempted to camp out up there to see if I could camel-doula, but I decided sitting on the couch and drinking wine from Napa was a far better idea.

A Tragic Loss

Good god, it is every parents worst nightmare.

One of my doula sisters, partner, friend has had an unimaginable loss. Her beautiful son, Bryant, died Monday after a rapidly deteriorating lung infection. He was 6.

This is a total shock for this family- Bryant was a normal, healthy happy boy just days ago.
This is a total shock for our birth community, who thrives on life, not death.
This is a total shock for all mothers and fathers everywhere, who could just never imagine.

There is a memorial fund at Key Bank sent up for this wonderful family in the name of their son, Bryant Tennant. If you can, please do.

There is nothing to say, only thoughts of love and the hope of peace.

Made in May, Born in February

I cannot believe it's February. In three days I will be 33, which is not nearly as exciting as the fact that Dr. Oz says my "real age" is 31.8. Hooray for young cells! Too bad I have about as much hair and cellulite as my 84 year old grandmother. At least I'm young on the inside. February is also my younger daughter's birthday, the anniversary of my successful and redemptive home birth. Whenever I think about her birth story, I always remember my sister telling me I hummed throughout the whole thing. I don't have a body memory of doing so, but really, why would she lie about that?

Whenever I think about having more children it seems like a ridiculous idea: I have a great husband and two great kids, a really, really busy personal and professional life and what feels like not a single second to spare. What I long for is not another child but another birth, another moment of personal greatness, a miracle I helped create.

Maybe I'll just run another marathon.