"I'll take Potpurri for $200, Alex."

A few unrelated thoughts.

Taking the advice of a good doula friend, when I got my tattoo I totally "doulad" myself through the whole thing. It was very Penny Simkin-esque. I was awash in rhythm, ritual and to whatever extent I could, rocking. It was very interesting, actually. I was tapping my foot the whole time to the beat of my breath, in two three four, out two three four. I was a big foot tapper in my births as well. When I do prenatals with my clients we always talk about reactions to stress and coping mechanisms. I guess however you are in life is how you are in birth. Or vise versa.

I need a life doula for tomorrow. I have a root canal. Childbirth, no problem. Dental work, whole different ball game.

I have met with some really amazing women lately. I always feel so honored when I get hired, so grateful to be able to share in this amazing time in a family's life.

Listen to WFUV online, Fordam U's really cool radio station.

Welcome Back, Crazy Person

The problem with taking the summer off from work is that it's really hard to get back into the swing of things. Just last night I booked two appointments at the same time because I have fallen back into my old traps of deep, debilitating disorganization. For me to stay on top of my universe I have to force myself to write everything down (not on random bank receipts and gum wrappers) so I can keep it all together. It's not natural to me, but it's necessary for survival.

Earlier today I was tagged, which I don't really understand but apparently it's blogger speak for "you must do this."

Here goes.

The Rules:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.

4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and that they should read your blog.


Here are some things.

1. I never step on the grates on the sidewalk. Total unexplainable phobia.

2. If given the opportunity (and a dark closet) I will crush Chips Ahoy cookies atop a bowl of Cheerios and soy milk.

3. I always eat some form of chocolate at a birth. Sometimes three forms.

4. Our second daughter was almost named Beasley and I am VERY GLAD SHE WASN'T.

5. My name is spelled Randi on my birth certificate. I added the "e" on the end in 7th grade. That's odd, isn't it? Aside from my family, there are probably only 3 people in my life who knew that before now.

6. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with my second, I went to see the midwife I had with my first. During the visit she told me she was no longer catching babies. I was so crushed; I cried on and off for days. As it turns out, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was carrying so much baggage from my first labor around with me that I believe I would not have had a successful home birth if the cast of characters was the same the second time around.

7. When I was in high school I had a friend down the street who lived with her grandmother. We used to smoke cigarettes out her bedroom window. One time we dropped one, but her grandmother was downstairs so we didn't think we could go get it. We attached a wad of chewing gum to a shoe, tied many shoelaces together and successfully hoisted it up to safety.

8. Aside from my youngest sister, I have the worst sense of direction on earth.

KW, KR, EV, JH...consider yourself tagged.

My Doula, My friend?

Oh my god, I have been so out of all birth loops. When I get stressed, I get crazy. But when I turn it off, i am really off. I scheduled the latter half of June and the first half of July off so I could go on vacation (what a concept!) and visit with my brother and his family when they roll into town.

It's nice to have time off to think about the last year, the births I've seen, how I might do things differently in the future. I don't know how many women and men I interviewed with exactly this year, but I know I only did not get hired twice. Both times it was the exact same situation: immediate connection between mom and me. Similar personality, sense of humor, approach to life. Feeling that we were meant to be friends.

Women do not want to hire their best friend to be their doula. The want someone to fill the space of the person they are not, to calm them when they need calming and to rev them up when the energy feels like it is dwindling. Why would they hire someone just like themselves? It makes me think that if I sense that happening in an interview in the future, i will need to navigate the conversation to a more warm, professional place. At least I will be aware of it, I suppose.

In a move in stark opposition to natural birth and all it encompasses, I will be in Las Vegas next week, sinning up a storm:)

The Sherpa

I know a lot about a lot of things, but mountain climbing is not one of them. So when a client and her husband revealed to me that they were secretly refering to me as "the sherpa," I had no idea that it was a really great compliment! Of course, he was not saying it to be nice, he just couldn't remember the word doula:)

I can only assume (read:hope) I am not the only one who thought a sherpa was a fleece-lined coat or blanket. Then I realize it's a mountain guide, and I think, how freaking perfect! I always compare labor to running the marathon, because I have done that so I understand the challenge, both physical and mental. But I have never climbed the Himalayas, thank God, so I really didn't make the immediate connection. If you have never climbed a mountain, it'd be a great idea to have a guide to lead you through the process. Heck, it'd probably be a necessity. The sherpas help you pace yourself, drink enough water, keep you focused, remind you to keep your body in the right positions and keep your mind positive.

That is exactly what we as doulas do. We can't do the work of labor for you, but we can help make it easier and more positive. Doulas guide women (and their partners) through a challenging yet ultimately rewarding time. The best compliment I can get is not that someone feels they couldn't have done it without me, but that they wouldn't have wanted to.

The Blahs and the Aahs

I haven't written anything lately because I haven't known what to say. As much as I love what I do, overall I have been feeling pretty jaded lately. I was on the phone with my mother the other day ranting about the state of birth in our country, how it is nearly impossible to have a normal birth with all the routine interventions, but mostly in the culture of fear and weakness surrounding childbirth in the United States. When I realized I was ranting like a lunatic and that instead of listening to me she was thinking about what to make for dinner, it occurred to me that I am in desperate need of a vacation.

I define myself largely by what I do, and if I don't feel good about that, I don't feel good about me.

My clients rely on me to be a positive force. My job is to protect their birth space from all negative energy, to make them feel like they are doing the best job they can with the tools they were given and the hand they were dealt. It's hard to do that when you are feeling shitty. Luckily I scheduled myself off for the month of June so I can get a little time to reassess.

By the way, in the midst of all this funk, I saw something really beautiful last week. This mom had an ordeal of a labor that ended in surgery. She had been awake forever and was feeling pretty poor overall. But when they put that baby in her arms, it was a miracle in the making. Everything else faded away and what was left was two new people, in love at first sight, being perfect together. In all the births I have seen, this was the most immediate, instinctual, natural mothering. Her birth may not have been perfect but her connection with her baby definitely was. Welcome to your world, D.

A Sea of C's

For the 4th time in 3+ years, one of my clients ended up in the operating room.

I have supported clients before where I felt like they got steamrolled into a cesarean. Earlier this year I watched as a doctor (with all of his students watching) told a woman (primip, after 1 hour of pushing) that she could push some more if she wanted to, but she was going to end up in surgery so they might as well cut their losses. It was going to be a really big baby, after all.

It was 7lbs, 9 oz.

This was not like that.
This mom was an awesome laborer. She was totally able to get into the zone, that one that is so hard to describe but we all know it when we see it. She tuned out the world, tuned into her body and her baby. But in the end, her baby was in a bad position and she did not want to move. When the time came to call it quits, everyone in the room (and there were alot of us) felt good about the decision, including mom.

I cannot say enough about her midwife, Kathleen and her group, Pacific Midwifery. They are the only midwifery group completely staffed by CNMs in the area that do hospital births. And after what was no doubt an enormous amount of work, Legacy Salmon Creek is now the only facility in SW Washington doing water birth.

This, my friends, needs to be the wave of the future. Respectful, passionate, informed childbirth that takes place wherever you are comfortable. Although I believe strongly in home birth, I also feel women should be able to birth their babies in a hospital without fear. And although this birth ended in cesarean section, countless others in Kathleen's care have had normal, natural births without routine intervention. All women deserve that.


In 1965 4.5% of births were via c-section. In 2005 30.2% were. We cannot allow this trend to continue. The World Health Organization recommends a rate no higher than 15%. To find out what's being done and what you can do, visit www.motherfriendly.org

On a personal note, my wonderful doula who tended to my every need at the birth of my second daughter, is moving back east. Her compassion, support, humor and sisterhood will be missed by many, including myself. Everyone should be lucky enough to have a doula like her.

Hold Please...

The hardest part of a doula's life is not the work. It's the waiting for the work. Not waiting to get clients (though that used to be a concern) but waiting for the clients to have their babies. When I am on call, which is probably about 75% of the year, I am constantly thinking about Plan B. Who will pick Violet up from school, do we have a spare car seat in the car, did I take a shower, who will watch the kids if my husband is at a game and cannot be reached, can I have a glass of wine tonight...you get the picture. When I am on call I plan the morning out before I go to sleep and then do it all over again in the morning when I wake up still in my bed, birth bag still in the closet.

It's very stressful.

Right now I have one client who is a week past her due date, and one due tomorrow. Tomorrow is Violet's last day of preschool, tomorrow night a wedding, Saturday a bartending shift and Sunday a barbecue? How many of these things will I miss?

Here is a perfect example: My phone just rang. Client A called, due tomorrow. Her water just broke, the midwives told her to go to sleep and wait for some contractions (I love midwives!). But...Client B called earlier, already plenty dilated, 41+ weeks, went to have an acupressure massage tonight. What happens if they both go? I have my back-up on standby, but after many months of getting to know these woman and their partners, I would feel AWFUL if I had to miss either of their births. I know it happens, but I really didn't want it to happen to me.

See what I mean? It's very stressful.