Life and Death

After a busy November ushering babies into the world, I bid farewell to a family member. My uncle, Jack Wieder, died unexpectedly on Sunday after a life that was too short, too hard and too lonely. He was 54.

The world was not against my uncle but he thought it was. In the end, what you believe to be true is your truth.

He is survived my his mother, Celia, his sisters Leona and Sandy and brother-in law Michael, and his wife of three years, Kathy. If the depth of her grief was a measure of her love for Jack, he was very well loved indeed. He was preceded in death by his father, Soloman Wieder in 2005, whom he lived for but could never live up to.

Jack was troubled but bright, always wanting to do good by his family and the world. I learned alot about him at his funeral. I am sorry it didn't happen when I could tell him how much I respected him.

Why isn't sheepskin waterproof?

I mean really, do sheep stain if gotten wet?

Reasons to Have a Home Birth

1. No unnecessary fetal monitoring that leads to unnecessary pitocin that leads to unnecessary instruments pulling your baby from your body.

2. You will never be coerced into having a speculum exam to prove your water actually broke, even though fluid has been pouring out of your body for 6 hours.

3. You will not contract a staph infection at home, nor will you be told your baby has meningitis by mistake because of a "contaminated draw."

4. Your doctor or midwife won't be able to convince you that they need to manually stretch out your vagina because home birth midwives know they don't need to.

5. You will feel safer and you will be right.

6. You will not be woken up every two hours for various ridiculous reasons.

7. You will be able to eat and drink in labor.

8. You will be treated as if you are walking through a rite of passage, not as if you have a potentially life threatening disease.

9. No one will ever say to you "aren't you ready for that epidural yet?"

You should not need to have a home birth to have your rights as a laboring women upheld. But sometimes, you do.

Two for the road

After a 5 month lapse (I cannot believe that it really was that long) I attended 2 births in 48 hours. One was amazing, the other frustrating though ultimately positive, both keen reminders of why I do what I do.

I am way too tired to say another word.

What I don't know

It's been really hard for me to write because it's been a really hard time for me professionally. I used to think of myself as really impartial, a doula who could happily support any woman's birth choices regardless of whether that is what I would choose. I am finding that harder and harder to do. In my years of doing this work I have maintained an 85% hire rate; most of the families I met with hired me. Lately it's been more like 50%. I don't think it's because there are so many great doulas to choose from, though that is definitely true. I think I am having a harder and harder time presenting myself as neutral. I don't think it doesn't really matter what happens in your birth as long as everyone is healthy. I know that many other things matter. I know that an empowering birth is an opportunity of a lifetime, an experience that gives a woman confidence for all of her future undertakings. I don't think that when a woman in labor enters the hospital her chances of having a normal birth are good. I know that 35% of the time the baby will be surgically removed, and if that doesn't happen, she will likely have a host of plugs and cords and devices attached to her that even if she still manages to eke out a "natural" birth, she will never really know what a normal birth is.

More and more as I try to envision what my place is in this life, I think I have to be an advocate for normal birth. I am not sure where that starts. I used to think it started with my doula clients, but now I am not so sure.

"I'll take Potpurri for $200, Alex."

A few unrelated thoughts.

Taking the advice of a good doula friend, when I got my tattoo I totally "doulad" myself through the whole thing. It was very Penny Simkin-esque. I was awash in rhythm, ritual and to whatever extent I could, rocking. It was very interesting, actually. I was tapping my foot the whole time to the beat of my breath, in two three four, out two three four. I was a big foot tapper in my births as well. When I do prenatals with my clients we always talk about reactions to stress and coping mechanisms. I guess however you are in life is how you are in birth. Or vise versa.

I need a life doula for tomorrow. I have a root canal. Childbirth, no problem. Dental work, whole different ball game.

I have met with some really amazing women lately. I always feel so honored when I get hired, so grateful to be able to share in this amazing time in a family's life.

Listen to WFUV online, Fordam U's really cool radio station.

Welcome Back, Crazy Person

The problem with taking the summer off from work is that it's really hard to get back into the swing of things. Just last night I booked two appointments at the same time because I have fallen back into my old traps of deep, debilitating disorganization. For me to stay on top of my universe I have to force myself to write everything down (not on random bank receipts and gum wrappers) so I can keep it all together. It's not natural to me, but it's necessary for survival.

Earlier today I was tagged, which I don't really understand but apparently it's blogger speak for "you must do this."

Here goes.

The Rules:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.

4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and that they should read your blog.


Here are some things.

1. I never step on the grates on the sidewalk. Total unexplainable phobia.

2. If given the opportunity (and a dark closet) I will crush Chips Ahoy cookies atop a bowl of Cheerios and soy milk.

3. I always eat some form of chocolate at a birth. Sometimes three forms.

4. Our second daughter was almost named Beasley and I am VERY GLAD SHE WASN'T.

5. My name is spelled Randi on my birth certificate. I added the "e" on the end in 7th grade. That's odd, isn't it? Aside from my family, there are probably only 3 people in my life who knew that before now.

6. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with my second, I went to see the midwife I had with my first. During the visit she told me she was no longer catching babies. I was so crushed; I cried on and off for days. As it turns out, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was carrying so much baggage from my first labor around with me that I believe I would not have had a successful home birth if the cast of characters was the same the second time around.

7. When I was in high school I had a friend down the street who lived with her grandmother. We used to smoke cigarettes out her bedroom window. One time we dropped one, but her grandmother was downstairs so we didn't think we could go get it. We attached a wad of chewing gum to a shoe, tied many shoelaces together and successfully hoisted it up to safety.

8. Aside from my youngest sister, I have the worst sense of direction on earth.

KW, KR, EV, JH...consider yourself tagged.