A while ago I was speculating that my bad attitude was costing me jobs. I was feeling really cranky about the whole birth thing, after a year of seeing a whole host of things that left me feeling disenfranchised, to say the least. I have always had a really good interview/hire rate, but towards the end of the year I lost a few jobs to what I am sure was my inability to remain neutral.
Now it's 2008 and I have gotten the green light from all four of the families I have interviewed with. It's not the income that makes me happy but the realization that I am coming across as potentially really good labor support, which I know I am;-) Two of those interviews I was accompanied by one of my partners, M, who is totally different from me but amazing and wonderful just the same. She is what you would think of as a doula: long, flowy hair, no makeup but naturally so pretty, always a hugger and a source of positivity. I am more the doula anti-christ: mascara, lip liner, blond highlights, acerbic and honest. True, I am a home-birther on the inside; I just don't look like it on the outside. But believe you me, I love what I do and I feel strongly that it is what I was meant to do.
There is a mom at my kidlets preschool who is about 100x fancier than me. I like nice clothes but I am usually parading my sweaty ass around town in workout gear. She always looks perfect. Always full makeup, always a complete outfit (including high heels) and a matching handbag. One day her and I and another mom were sitting in the schmoozing area after drop-off (come on, it's a Jewish preschool!) and the subject of vaccinations came up. I am always hesitant to talk about these things with people I don't know very well, especially in a school setting. All of a sudden fancy mom started telling me about her 2 home births and how her mom is a home birth midwife! See, see, you never know. Lesson learned.
I digress, I know. When I was in high school I had an English teacher who told me I was smart but I had too many ideas and my writing wasn't focused. He was right. But then again, he taught a class where our "big" assignment was to interpret the lyrics to our favorite song. Wanna guess what I chose? Think black eyeliner and hair in the 80's.
At least it wasn't "Pour Some Sugar on Me."
The moral of the story is I feel really happy right not and it is being reflected back to me by the clients I am working with. So there!